I
was born perfectly, I knew it, everybody knew it, but my logic always
deny. I have too much pessimism than optimism in me. I always over think
something and afraid for what I’ve done isn’t enough, they’re
absolutely not perfect before my expectation. I hope too much, but I act
too less. That’s why I stuck in this damn pathetic thinking, guess I
will never go anywhere. My heart is like a door that is made without the key, I will never fall in love.
Regretfully, I blame someone for my weakness, for all
my faults. He is me, the weak of me. I hate myself when I do become
soft, perhaps the world is rougher than the surface of the moon. I wish
to be “Yes” man, accept all those kindness that universe gives, but I
decided to refuse, cause they come too long. I hate waiting, neither
you. I wish to be “Pygmalion”, the most pathetic ancient greek hero I ever know.
He carve the statue of his own ideal woman he dreamt of, then suddenly
the goddess of love feel so pity about him. With her Goddess power, she
give live to the statue. Pygmalion feel so blessfull. I feel both, happy
and jealous at the same time. Why didn’t she (Goddess of love) choose
me? So, I can carve you in a statue, dear.
Sometimes, I browse the internet, click up WikiHow, do some search “How
to talk to a girl you like?”. I’ve got nothing but only 404 error. They
never be found, I never gonna get the answer. Then I’m realize that you’re not an object that have manual books. You’re special, You’re venus. The mysterious planet in my galaxy, even astronauts didn’t know what inside of you. You
act like the logarithm equation that never be solved, even you give me
those “alpha, betha, gamma”, but I’m too dull to catch the answer. I
suck at math, I suck at love too.
I have bad headache all this time I think of you, you just like a large
bad sector in memories of my brain I wish I’ll never clean. You stole a
big half of my time, I waste the rest to find a way how you can see me
now. I remember, some wiseman said,“ Brain is somewhere place like a house, Be wise to choose your furniture,”
and this sounded right, cause I hang your images everywhere, your
pictures anywhere in my mind, then you always appear in imagination.
Some slang said in cool way, “Don’t waste your time thinking something/one they don’t give a shit (“take care”) about you”,
but I tried not to believe it. I’ve read many books, they mention so
many pearl of wisdoms. One of those pearl line in those book said,” Life
is all about giving”, and you will get in balance for bonuses. I
favorite one of them, “If you want to be loved, be lovable”. So, I choose to be lovable, by you.
We’re just like playing domino, I fall for you, and you fall
to another. We live in antonym world, for what I see is “good”, and
look like “bad” for you. You, the only one among all of
the creatures which God created, that yet I don’t really understand.
Just give me a reason why should I fall in love with you, so I can die
peacefully right now for giving in, to find impossible way for this
sickness. I name the disease like a love song I used to listen, the name
is “What can I do to make you love me”. But, just like good novel, they
don’t always have a good ending. And soon to be, we will forget each
other now and then. I will pretend this feelings never happen, the part
of “Falling in love with you”.
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